9.03.2007

This is Where I Am

So, I got The Question this morning during my run. I get it from time to time. It's harmless, but it always makes me pause.

"Are you going to have any more children?"

I have a pat answer, usually with a laugh, "Oh...I don't know...we'll see what happens."

When I take the time to really think about it, I have deeper thoughts and plenty of questions. I am an only child. This is what I know. I have always wondered what having a brother or sister would have been like, but being an only has its own perks too. I remember my mom considering being a foster parent. I was so excited to possibly have a "sister". Then my mom mentioned sharing or not having any more Gloria Vanderbilt jeans (this was the late 70s early 80s folks) and I was kinda over the sister thing.

I would like for A. to have a brother or sister. She asks about it occasionally. She's too young for us to explain that it's just not that easy, at least for us. Here is where I am...

If it happens, that will be wonderful!! I know I am not up for more fertility treatments and everything that goes along with that. I'm kinda over that. That leaves another adoption. I'm just not up for that either. There are many reasons, from financial to arranging care for A. while we jet across the continents again. This leads up to some of my questions. "Why are some people able to have children, while others can't?" "Why do people who do not want to become pregnant, do so and then have to make difficult choices?" "Am I selfish for not actively pursuing another child?"

I know that my experiences have caused me to stretch and grow. If I can help others with their journey through fertility treatments or adoption, I would love to do so. I am a different person from going through both, and believe it or not, thankful for that.

This is where I am right now, but who knows what God has in store for us, right?

12 comments:

  1. I can understand that. For sure. It sounds like you have a great attitude about it.

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  2. Holly, I can ask the "why do others have children so easily - and I don't" question or others like it, so easily. Maybe they wouldn't be so open to adoption as you are I would be, maybe we can handle it better than others. I guess dwelling on those questions only makes circumstances harder. I think people can be quite nosey, I was 30 before I had children and I got a lot of questions about why I hadn't started - well, It's none of your business! OK, I wasn't that rude, but I wanted to be. Thanks for this post Holly, you're awesome, and what ever happens, happens. You're are a great role model for those seeking understanding. Take care my friend :)

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  3. You have definitley used your experiences to enrich others... like us! I cannot imagine the past 3 years without your support and insight of living what we were going through. I know I've told you a million times, but for the million and first - thank you!!! And, I also think only children are practically perfect in every way! :) Love you lots!

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  4. You are totally an inspiration....your patience, kindness and love for your family is something I want to model. I know the pain and sadness you have been through in the past...please know that I am always here for you. You are an awesome friend and a blessing in my life. You hang in there and give A a kiss from auntie Heather.

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  5. very moving, and so awesome that you are willing to share with others what you have been through. I don't know why people make it their business to inquire about your family's "status". and then, yes, I do have to wonder quite often about those people who have babies that don't want/can't take care of them....

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  6. These are thoughtful questions to ask yourself and it's good to ask them on a blog...to see where the Lord leads you in the next season as you specifically pray for this. I'll pray for you too.

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  7. Hi Holly, thanks for coming to visit my blog. It was nice to 'meet' you. I spent a little time on your blog tonight and I quite enjoyed myself. I especially liked your 'this just in from Annelise' section! And I find your love for the pink flamingo adorably funny.

    I am glad that you also looked at the positive side of being an only child. I don't think that the number of children a woman has is any indicator of what kind of mother she actually is. You are clearly a very involved and loving parent, and that is what matters, right? I want more children, but I also stop every now and then and remind myself to be thankful I got these ones, because maybe there are no more coming. No one ever really knows.

    Come back and visit me again!

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  8. I am also an adoptive mother and I love meeting other adoptive parents. I really hate getting that question. I have two boys. One is six and we have another son that is 18 months old. Before our second son people would always ask when are you going to have more children? It was really annoying and kind of invasive. I think you have a great attitude. I really enjoyed reading this post. I am glad you state the positives of only have one child. I once had a lady say you just aren't a family unless you have three kids. Whatever that means!! Through this whole process I have really just been trying to enjoy the ride and learn important lessons.

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  9. thanks for sharing that. i love hearing stories of adoption and the miracles that bring children to families in any way. it just shows that god has a plan for each of us and ensures that we are each where we need to be, with whom we need to be in our lives. i think you're amazing and one child or 20, a wonderful mom!

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  10. thanks for sharing that. i love hearing stories of adoption and the miracles that bring children to families in any way. it just shows that god has a plan for each of us and ensures that we are each where we need to be, with whom we need to be in our lives. i think you're amazing and one child or 20, a wonderful mom!

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  11. I'm always impressed with how well you know yourself. Nobody else can tell you what is right for you and your family. Peace is always where the answer lies -- such a comfort!

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  12. What a beautiful post. I love your attitude about children, as well as your analysis. That was very insightful to read.

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