So, I got The Question this morning during my run. I get it from time to time. It's harmless, but it always makes me pause.
"Are you going to have any more children?"
I have a pat answer, usually with a laugh, "Oh...I don't know...we'll see what happens."
When I take the time to really think about it, I have deeper thoughts and plenty of questions. I am an only child. This is what I know. I have always wondered what having a brother or sister would have been like, but being an only has its own perks too. I remember my mom considering being a foster parent. I was so excited to possibly have a "sister". Then my mom mentioned sharing or not having any more Gloria Vanderbilt jeans (this was the late 70s early 80s folks) and I was kinda over the sister thing.
I would like for A. to have a brother or sister. She asks about it occasionally. She's too young for us to explain that it's just not that easy, at least for us. Here is where I am...
If it happens, that will be wonderful!! I know I am not up for more fertility treatments and everything that goes along with that. I'm kinda over that. That leaves another adoption. I'm just not up for that either. There are many reasons, from financial to arranging care for A. while we jet across the continents again. This leads up to some of my questions. "Why are some people able to have children, while others can't?" "Why do people who do not want to become pregnant, do so and then have to make difficult choices?" "Am I selfish for not actively pursuing another child?"
I know that my experiences have caused me to stretch and grow. If I can help others with their journey through fertility treatments or adoption, I would love to do so. I am a different person from going through both, and believe it or not, thankful for that.
This is where I am right now, but who knows what God has in store for us, right?