This spring I started blogging on a whim (that's how a lot things start in my little world). Of course I was quickly bitten by the Bloggy Bug. Somehow I've written close to 200 posts. That is either exciting or frightening, depending how you look at it. Other than a few friends, I didn't think anyone would read my blog. Oh my, what a pleasant surprise when I started making Bloggy Friends! Is it normal to talk about your Bloggy Friends with your husband? Well, normal or not, I do. I've been inspired by so many wonderful women out in Blogville. Thank you!
I have wondered off and on if I am 100% honest on my blog. I realize through blogging we usually only share snippets of our lives. That's okay. My snippets are sometimes serious, sometimes frivolous, sometime humorous, sometimes thought provoking (maybe), sometimes boring (probably). That's how life is too, isn't it? But am I 100% honest? Do I present my true self? I'm not sure. Maybe.
I was probably most honest in my private journals. Even when I was inconsistent they were a good dumping ground. What has happened to my written journaling? My scrapbooking? Well, those things seem to be on the back burner. I feel this strong desire to document my life and our family's life, but I feel like I'm juggling and dropping most of the balls. I'm glad I have the Blog as something of a record, but it has replaced journaling in notebooks and scrapbooking pictures and memories. This bothers me. I feel a need to revaluate and balance my time more evenly (since I'm still on January in my scrapbook and almost a year behind with my written journaling).
So, back to whether I am truly myself on my blog. I hope I am. I read a post by Lynn a few weeks ago and it has stuck in my craw. She wrote about being an Oxymoron. If you get a chance please take a moment and read her wise words. I feel like an oxymoron most of the time. Do you? I suppose it's human nature coupled with hormones.
In the spirit of being more honest, I thought I'd share a bit of what I wrote today (after I blew off the dust) in my sporadic journal.
Random thoughts: I realize I am deeply selfish at my core. I want more time to myself. Just me. Sometimes I wish I was completely alone. I wish I could stay in bed ALL day and read one book after another. Sometimes I feel guilty for my selfish thoughts, other times I don't care.
I feel like I'm only doing bits and pieces of things. I have a hard time finishing things. I stumble around inconsistently cooking, cleaning and crafting. One minute I can be negative, nit-picky, small-minded and jealous, the next I'll be a positive Pollyanna, encouraging and helpful. One minute I'm out there doing lots of things and the next I just want to crawl in a cave. I confuse myself with my random emotions and mood swings. I've been eating way too many sweets and drinking way too much coffee.
Anyhoo...that's what was rolling around upstairs today. I guess that's me. If you made it through this lengthy post, give yourself a pat on the back. Ultimately I want to allow myself to be more "me" on my blog, whatever that might be. I don't ever want to pretend, or only present the positive (or be drastically negative). I just want to be real.
How do you document your life? Do you keep a handwritten journal? Do you feel you are 100% real & honest on your blog?