5.10.2008

The One In Which I Feel Like The Grinch

Before he heard Who-ville singing merrily, when his heart was still two sizes too small.

That's me. In full Grinch-like glory.

Mother's Day always brings a mixed bag of emotions for me, it has for most of my life. Even though it's been 25 years, I still miss my mother. I don't like to wallow in sadness, but I struggle with resentment, jealousy, and feeling cheated on the whole mother relationship. And having a grandmother relationship for Annelise. Hence the Grinch moves in.

After being particularly cranky, easily irritated and impatient most of this week, Annelise brought an invitation home from school. I felt a bit Grinch like in giving up my time (it pains me to admit this, but it's true). For some reason I thought it would just be mom's mingling or something, and I figured I could leave quickly. I had no clue.

Some school mornings I manage to get myself somewhat together and my face on. Other mornings I wear the t-shirt I slept in and brush my teeth and go. Yesterday was a combination of the two. I dressed in capris and a top, sans make up except for lipstick, and a case of bed head. Remember, my mind set was that I would not stay long for the tea. Sip and go was my plan.

As I saw moms unload their children, all dressed up for a tea party I began to feel the urge to fight or flee. Once we were inside I realized two things, the air conditioner was NOT working and this tea party is completely different than I imagined. My non-made up, casually dressed, slightly sweaty self is going to a tea party.

I don't have any pictures of the event. Since my Grinch plan was to sip and go, I did not bother bringing my camera or even my cell phone. By this point I was kicking my Grinch like self. Annelise poured me tea and all the moms sat, in the teeny-tiny, cramp inducing chairs, and enjoyed several tasty treats. I felt so ashamed of my Grinch heart. I focused on being present with her and her friends and ended up having a very nice time.

As I gave Annelise a big hug to the sounds of "I don't want you to go, Mama." and left, my Grinch heart was beginning to grow.

Soon after I arrived home, the friendly UPS man left this at our door. I was so surprised! My Grinch heart was steadily growing, and growing.


Scott and Annelise sent me these beautiful flowers for Mother's Day. Tulips are my favorite flower. I hope these beautiful blooms last for a while. Annelise made this flower picture at school with her fingerprints. I love it.

By now, I've gotten over most of my Grinch-like heart. At least for a while. I realize even though I don't have a mother-daughter relationship myself, I must focus on a more important mother-daughter relationship. Being a mother to this special girl...

I love you sweetheart!

18 comments:

  1. Oh, beautiful post Holly! I don'tlike Mother's Day because it makes me feel so inadequate, and I hate the obligation that goes with it for giving and receiving gifts. My Grinch's heart is always so hardened during this weekend. I love this post. It's causing my heart to melt a little and I think it's just what I need to try and enjoy this weekend.

    You're such a great Mom! Annelise is so blessed!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Glad you worked through your Grinch-ness. Hope you have a great day tomorrow! I love tulips too.

    That little tea party sounds so cute.

    ReplyDelete
  3. What a sweet post! Annelise is a lucky little girl:)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm glad that things ended on a good note...

    I just read Jill's post and I must say that I am feeling flustered by all this grumpiness about Mother's Day...I had no idea so many women had issues with this holiday.

    I love Mother's Day! I have always seen it as a weekend to be grateful for all of the great women who have touched my life--my friends, sisters, everyone.

    Hope your Mother's Day is great, Holly!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh Holly, that was such a sweet, moving post. Totally choked me up.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm so glad you had multiple reasons for expanding your grinch heart. It's hard to deal with those feelings even when you know you shouldn't have them.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I have misseda few days of your blog and am also looking forward to running the Marine Corps Marathon! Congrats on getting in--it fills up quick. Happy training!--Alison

    ReplyDelete
  8. Becky: I appreciate your comment. On Mother's Day, and other holidays as well, I do feel mixed emotions leading up to the holiday or sometimes during. It's a sadness of missing my mom, who passed away when I was 13, missing the relationship we might have had as I grew up, those sorts of feelings. I don't hate Mother's Day, I just feel a certain loneliness. I usually work through it and try to change my perspective a bit.

    Thanks for your thoughts!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Aww, what gorgeous flowers. And more importantly, what a gorgeous little girl. :-) Happy Mother's Day. I can imagine it's a bittersweet day for you.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks for your honesty. I am so glad your day turned out a little brighter. You are a gem!

    ReplyDelete
  11. oh Holly! {{sniff sniff}} I love you! You are an AWESOME mom! And we all have those stinky grinch days. Don't you worry! :)

    I know your Mom is so proud of you and the wonderful woman you are. And I also know she is proud of the mother you are to Annelise.

    Happy Mothers Day!

    ReplyDelete
  12. what a sweet post. i'm glad your day turned out happier than you expected!

    ReplyDelete
  13. gorgeous flowers... and special little girl. Sometimes hard to see on grainch-like occassions... but you are blessed.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I don't think any heart could stay Grinchy for long with that sweet girl of yours around!

    I never realized how difficult Mother's Day could be until my mom lost her own mother, and it became a sad day for her. I'm sorry that's something you've dealt with for so long. But, also I'm glad your day turned out to be better than you expected.

    ReplyDelete
  15. happy belated mother's day, holly! i appreciate this post- it's got to be sad. i am so glad little a is around for you to give lots of love to! :) you are like the farthest thing from the grinch I can ever think of!

    ReplyDelete
  16. What a precious and sweet story. Thanks for sharing something that must be very personal for you. It is very hard for people like me and others to understand if they have not experienced that pain. So thanks for sharing your life and feelings ... those are the things that make you so strong. I hope that you got lots of hugs and were made to feel like a princess. "A" is certainly blessed that you find the importance of teaching her, loving her and sharing with her.... all those things as such a special MOM. I have long admired the Godly spirit of Motherhood that you have. I have a feeling that your spirit was a gift from an angel that maybe you don't always feel fluttering above you! Love you girl.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh, Mother's Day WOULD be hard when you've lost your mother. I wanted to give you a big hug when I read that part. I don't blame you one bit for muddling through it. I love how you ended this post--and your day. Looking ahead to how WE are mothers & how to be present in the moment for our kids is the very best way to move forward. Thanks for reminding me :)

    ReplyDelete

I'd love to hear what you have to say. I try to reply to comments and answer questions within each post so be sure to check back from time to time. Thanks for visiting!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...