When I was a freshman in high school my mother passed away. Even though it has been about 25 years, I still am impacted by this loss in numerous ways. My father remarried, and my step mother and I fashioned a relationship of sorts. Through no fault of hers, I was resistant to allow her to take on too much of a mother role. I'm a stickler for boundaries at times.
I have been extremely fortunate throughout the different stages of my life to have close friends with strong mother/daughter/family relationships, so from time to time I borrow from their experiences. When they talk about their mothers or interact with them, I soak up the details and store them away in my brain. Not in a Talented Mr. Ripley or Single White Female way or anything, just living a tad vicariously through them. There are times when I feel a longing for that relationship, but I make do as best I can. I use my imagination. I enjoy looking at old pictures, reflecting on memories.
I wonder what our relationship would be like had she lived. Would we be close? Would we drive each other nuts? I wonder. I don't usually dwell too long though. I borrow my tidbits and I try to focus on being a mother.
(I hope this makes some sort of sense now that it's outside my head.)
Pop over to read about more things borrowed at Lelly's blog.