7.31.2008

Running Therapy

I must admit something to you, my dear bloggy friends.

I seem to have running self-esteem issues. It's true.

Even though I have been hooked on this running thing for about three years, at times I still doubt myself. Isn't that whacked?

Case in point: I completed my 26.2 in January, some seven months ago. Today was the first day I wore my finisher's shirt (to run like a hamster at the Y).

Why haven't I worn it sooner? I've been asking myself that all day. I have come to the conclusion that somewhere in the deep, dark recesses of my brain, I still don't feel like I earned it. I know that I finished, I covered the distance...but I did not finish within the official time limit and I guess that still bothers me.

When people ask me about running the marathon, I usually trivialize it, or over-explain why my experience was different. Why can't I just say, "Yes, I did." Often I downplay my running when people ask or seem flabbergasted by the fact I love to run long distances. I always say, "Oh, hahaha...I'm really slow though...I'm in the back of the pack...blah, blah, blah." Maybe I say that because I want everyone to realize that if I can do this, well so can they; maybe because I am inwardly jealous of the people that run faster and make it look easier; maybe because I don't always believe myself; maybe it's a bit of all of that.

I've been pushing aside those silly worries lately though as I concentrate on my training for the Marine Corps Marathon coming up October 26th. Yikes! That's roughly 2.5 months away. Gulp.

Here is my latest running mojo trick I have been implementing as the weekly runs get longer. And longer. Before each run, I commit to one or two mile less than what is scheduled. That seems to give my brain an out in a way, then as the full distance approaches I finish it. This Saturday calls for 14 miles, I am committing to 12 and will hopefully pull out the final 2.

Apparently I am a passive aggressive runner. With control issues.

18 comments:

  1. You are such an inspiration to me as I struggle to get in daily exercise. I find that I am not good at any exercise, but keep trying to "just get in great shape". I am committed and I see your point. I am so excited for your next marathon! You are sooo awesome to do this - thanks for all your fun posts and that trick sounds perfect!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I so understand how you feel on this. I have to remember your trick for my long run this weekend. Thanks for the tip.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm so excited you'll be running Marine Corp!!!

    If only my marathon shirt wasn't long sleeved...I'd be wearing it every single day!

    ReplyDelete
  4. You should wear your shirt with pride!! You finished a marathon, no ifs ands or buts about it! Not many of us can say the same, so I say wear your shirt and strut around a bit!

    ReplyDelete
  5. You've got bragging rights, sister! Lap it up.

    I'm the opposite. I ran one marathon like four years ago, and I still talk about it as though I received the nobel prize. Let's swap places, okay?

    ReplyDelete
  6. You are an awesome runner....you silly!! And YOU DID RUN A MARATHON! I was there...I saw you. Keep up the good work. I am proud of you.

    Love ya!

    ReplyDelete
  7. You ran the marathon, but more importantly you committed months of training in preparation. How many of your friends will get up this weekend and run 14 miles? I bet they'll stay in bed. I know mine will! I only have 9 to run this weekend, but also will be at the DC marathon. Happy training!!
    --Alison

    ReplyDelete
  8. you love to run long distances. go, you!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. So funny. I'm the exact same way. I feel like I have to apologize for running slowly....like it doesn't count or something. I also don't really "look" like a runner...no nice long lean legs here. People are surprised.

    But I think you should totally own up to the fact that you are a marathon runner and that you train for marathons. That is just part of who you are. Wear that shirt with pride!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. It's funny, when I finally did get around to wearing it yesterday, I did feel proud. I hope there wasn't too much of a swagger in my step. :)

    Laura, I think apologize was the word I was looking for. Thanks. I don't know why I feel that way sometimes--but it's good to know others understand those feelings.

    ReplyDelete
  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Feel very proud...wear that shirt daily like I would, hehehe

    ReplyDelete
  13. Holly, seriously I do the same thing and I finished in just over four hours. I think we down-play it for "commonfolk" because they really have no clue (which is totally fine, and understandable) but they tend to respond REALLY dramatically and heads start turning and it gets uncomfortable. Like maybe a reaction suitable for saving a drowning child or something. Make sense? Keep the shirt on girl, and wear it proudly.

    ReplyDelete
  14. you definitely impress the hell out of me!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I totally understand. I'm the same way about my Tri shirt. I do wear it, but then feel like I have to "explain it away" for many of the same reasons. but hey if I can do it, so can so many others!

    good luck on your upcoming race!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I can totally relate! After I ran the Disney marathon in "05, I fell into a funk. I made all these excuses and for the life of me could not just be proud of myself. I didn't run for about 8 months after that but I slowly made my way back into the running game. Good luck with your run and I love the Tshirt...you should wear it more often and be proud of your accomplishment!!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thanks for sharing those feelings on running. Sometimes when I talk to people about running, I feel like I have to apologize, too, and say that really I just jog. I'm so slow, etc. I"m glad I'm not the only one who feels like this! Oh, I can't wait till I can wear a shirt like that!

    ReplyDelete
  18. If you run because you love it & you like the way it makes you feel - then wear that shirt with pride because you ARE a runner and you finished a marathon!!!!!! A Marathon. 26.2 miles. That is DISTANCE!!!!

    There's no need to beat yourself up about speed. You run at the pace that works for you - a joy that some people WISH they had, but don't.

    Soak it in, love it, be it. You are a runner!

    ReplyDelete

I'd love to hear what you have to say. I try to reply to comments and answer questions within each post so be sure to check back from time to time. Thanks for visiting!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...