Thoughts from an Insomniac

I woke up at 3:00 something this morning and had a terrible time going back to sleep.
Until approximately 20 minutes before Scott got up for work.
Then I woke up again. With a headache.
Which is still lingering around in my head this afternoon.
I made a mad dash to the grocery store when I only had 15 minutes before picking up A. from school.
Why do I always do things like that?
I have only run ONCE since my big run three weeks ago.
I still can't find my motivation and I'm using every excuse that comes to mind. It's hot, I'm tired, it's supposed to rain, it just rained, I don't feel like washing my hair...etc.
However I am still eating like a truck driver that just ran a marathon.
I have decided I want to let my hair grow. I do.
I don't know if I can get past the awkward phases that are bound to come with this decision.
Next week I turn the Big 4-0h.
That's right.
I still don't feel like a grown up.
No way do I feel 40.
I catch my reflection in the mirror and I think, "So, is this 40? Really?"
My mom died when she was 42.
I'm really trying to NOT freak out about that.
Annelise has been mentioning my death in casual conversation. Like, "I'll miss you someday when you die." and "When are you going to die?" and "I don't want you to go to Heaven without me."
Nope, nothing freaky about that.
This morning, when I couldn't sleep, I actually worried about how the mortuary stylist would fix my short sassy do, could she do it right?
So, um, yeah...I'm going to let my hair grow out.

What's been on your mind lately?


  1. Yikes, girl! That's some morbid thinkin'!

    I just really thought that when I started to approach 40, I wouldn't still have acne. What is freakin' UP!!??

  2. Insomnia drives me nuts! There is kind of a lot on the plate right now at our house and then the time change jacked up my schedule so I have had a few nights staring at the clock. Ugh! It is yucky!!
    I vote for keeping your hair like it is!!! It is sooo sassy and stylish! You will be a hottie no matter what your hair length is...but seriously you are rockin' that sassy do!!!

  3. Man, Holly that was all over the place. I can see why the thoughts are there. Think positive please and positive will return. Yea, someone has been reading The Secret"

  4. My mind works like that too. I am a horrible "going to sleep" person. It's like I don't want to let go. Which is another one of my mysteries of life. I am sure that with the upcoming big birthday, A's random comments, and your own thoughts you have a perfectly good reason to have scattered thoughts. You are not expected to grow up though. I had a GREAT time in my 40's. You will too. We'll talk about 50's after you turn 40. Just start taking multivitamins NOW. That's all I can say.

  5. wow. so i'm glad to know my thoughts are strung together in similar to ways that others' are. lack of sleep will do that to a girl. i'm betting it's all interconnected- milestones, a's comments, the end of the marathon training, the lack of sleep.
    no way do you look 40. i love it.
    and while it may be slightly morbid, i did crack up when you worried that the mortuary stylist might not get your hair right. grow it out if you want, but don't worry about THAT. :)

  6. wow, your mom died so young! that doesn't mean you will! I"ve got a few more years to go, but I feel the same things coming on. although, not as drastic, I don't think. 30 was nothing for me, but 40? now that's wierd! you are a great 40. look at all that you have accomplished! wow! A. is so cute, too... :o) cheer up, you're not even halfway there!

    I've been thinking about death, but not in the same way. I've been thinking about our huge tragedy here.... so sad....

  7. I think these kinds of things sometimes, too! Like, will there be good enough pictures of my hair for the stylist? Because if it's not right, that'll totally suck.

    And just think, I get 8 hours of sleep every night.

  8. Loads of stuff to think about. Keep your head up and good luck with the hair. :o)

  9. Oh, that's TOTALLY what it's like to be inside an insomniac's head!!! I'm SO there with you. I have to take sleeping pills, but can't since I'm breastfeeding.

    Lots of me time. Between the hours of 11pm-4am.

    Then I wake up with that headache you're talking about.

    I think you need my cell # so we can at least text late at night. Might as well have someone to giggle with, right?

    Or talk about mortuary hairdo's. Whatever.

  10. You make 40 look GOOD. I'm right behind ya. I just said to someone on Sunday, "I'll be 40 in four years" and it felt really weird to say that.

  11. I'm sorry about your mom. I didn't know that. What a thing for you to deal with--over & over, as you go through different stages in life without her. (hugging you)

    You just keep telling A. that you all are a family forever. :)

  12. weird, I just posted about insomnia the other day too!!

    you look so good! some of us 40 year olds are jealous!! :)

    I think A's talk is normal for her age, etc. but I can see that it would freak you out!!

  13. Well, since I turned 41 yesterday, I have been thinking about *age*, too. And the 40's aren't bad at all...very good actually. Have you heard the saying "A woman's not really a woman until she's 40?" Some truth to it. And I haven't run much either lately. And I just finished growing my hair out. Now...about the eating.... Have a good weekend!

  14. Don't you know 40 is the new 30, for real!

    You're super sassy no matter what the number.

  15. Oh Holly! I love your brain...a Kim quote! :) I also have those thoughts! I think you look awesome and you know I love your hair anyway you style it. You are way cool. :) As far as running...don't get me started. We will both start, lets say, Monday? ha!

    I hope your headache is better and you get some good sleep tonight!

    Love ya!!!

  16. Oh, and you know what's been on my mind and it was over TONIGHT! yeah!!

  17. Still laughing from the pic of Scott and Annelise at the Chili Bowl in DC!!! The WW staff would faint!!! hahahaha!

  18. Yes, you do make 40 look good.

    As far as Annelise's comments, Griffin is totally there too. Like, "Mom, when you die and they cover your grave with earth, will it hurt you?" Yikes, dude!!

  19. ps Carlo has a post about 40 is the new 30!

  20. Hope I look as good as you when I'm your age :) in a year or two.


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