8.25.2009

Selective Listening to the Rescue

Today was day 4 of Kindergarten and I pretended not to hear Annelise this morning when she said she did not need me to walk her to her classroom. Thank goodness she did not say, "I don't want you to ..." that would have really hurt.

And yet. Still.

Her surprise exertions of independence, while normal and a sign of confidence, maturity, self-reliance, blah, blah, BLAH, have the ability to cut me to the quick and squish my heart like a bug.

Hence my coping mechanism of fake deafness. How long can I get away with that?

I am trying to adjust to the huge chasm of emptiness and quiet while she is at school. I feel a little on edge, antsy. Like I need, should, MUST be doing something productive and useful but I'm not quite sure what that is. Yet.

Yesterday I grocery shopped and as I grabbed the HEB reusable bags I realized that climbing over the seats is Annelise's job (not that I climbed over the seats to get them, I just lifted the hatch, not as fun but...) and that I had to tackle HEB alone. Yes, it was a little easier and a little faster, but I still missed her.

I feel like I am compensating for my emotions over this new-life-stage-change-thingie by cooking and baking and doing laundry. There's only so much baking you can do (Paula Deen's peach cobbler last night and maybe cookies this afternoon) before you see the effects and laundry ebbs and flows every few days. Then what do I do? I don't want to be a shopper or be an errand runner to fill the time. There's exercise to do and creative things to work on. I also have other projects and a birthday party to plan.

And yet. Still.

I feel antsy. Not quite myself.

Who IS this new self anyway, this self that has more than a handful of hours alone each day?

I don't know. Yet.

7 comments:

  1. Hang in there...I feel your pain! I know... the cooking and the laundry are done here too. However, I'm finally getting to stay up on blogs, e-mails, and Braden!

    We can do this!

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  2. Sniff sniff!!! This makes me remember to savor all the choas of my boys now because they'll be in school before I know it. Buuuuuut, if you need coffe/tea, just give me a call! :)

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  3. It takes some time, but soon becomes wonderful and goes too fast! I'm sure if you end up diving into your scrapbooking again the time will fly by, plus you'll have the added bonus of working on all those cute pictures of her while she's gone.

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  4. I know I am not "right" but I deal with that EVERYDAY and my kids have been gone from home (as in grown up) for quite some time. I think Kdgn. is God's way of preparing you for the empty nest down the road. You want to come over and play?

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  5. It is such a pain to feel that antsy feeling. Shouldn't it be pure bliss to know you can get everything done - yet, the noise is what I always missed. I love the sound of commotion and kids bounding through the house - it made me feel more productive? - sounds strange! I never have really gotten over that feeling. Turning on music and really planning my day helped a lot. Good luck my dear and I hope you do better than I did!

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  6. It does take some adjusting but you'll do just that soon enough...adjust. Also, before you know it, you'll be volunteering at her school and getting involved there too I'm sure. Then the holidays are just around the corner...and the list goes on!

    I had such a hard time when my kids left for college, in fact, I cried for weeks...but I adjusted. That's what we do as moms!

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  7. I remember what I missed most about Chloe when she started Kindergarten, was not having her in the shopping cart at Target sharing a diet coke and popcorn with me. It's the little things, isn't it.

    She still loves to share the popcorn now, while she walks, rather than rides. But she has matured to her own Dr. Pepper.

    It is hard to get used to not having them around suddenly. Even now when I have a day off or several, I struggle with how to make myself useful. When they are home, I know what my job is.

    I like the Selective Listening technique! We must have learned that one from our husbands. HA!

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