Girl, Have You Lost Some Weight? You Look Fabulous!

Don't we all love to hear those words? Even though I don't hear them very often, I know they serve as an instant boost to my confidence. My self esteem can coast for days on words like those.

If you think about it though, are those words a compliment, an encouragement, or are they saying I notice you now and want to be around you? Know what I mean?


Recently I ran into a lady at Annelise's school and I could tell she had lost some weight, so I told her how nice she looked and good job and yada yada. I meant it as an encouragement to let her know her hard work was paying off.

But then I thought, did I talk much to her before? Occasionally.

And then I felt a tiny bit jealous. Or not so tiny. I hate that, but I did.

But then I think, "Why? Do I have to lose weight to feel like I look fabulous? Why aren't I more accepting of myself all the time? Why can I not be comfortable in my own skin, no matter the the size of said skin?"

I don't know. I'm 40 and still struggling with this. I have come to realize that negative self talk is terribly destructive and it's terribly ingrained. I can always find something to criticize no matter how thin I am at the time. I have looked back at pictures from high school, phases of college, young adulthood, early marriage and think, "Wow, I wish I looked like that now!" However, if I think a little bit harder I remember what I told myself at the time. I always found something to pick at or put down. Always.

So it comes down to me, my thoughts, no matter the outward evidence.

In case you can't tell, I've been in a bit of a downward spiral as far as my diet/exercise regime goes. Or doesn't go. I seem to be stuck in the vicious circle of one week good, one week terrible and then repeat. I'm trying to gather myself together and get my workouts going again, and trying not to sabotage them too badly with my food choices. Sigh. It's an ongoing process.

Here is my challenge to myself (and to you too):

*Notice something positive about someone else and tell them how fabulous you think they are. Sincere compliments about outward or inward traits are somewhat lacking these days, so let's make someone else's day. Mmm'k?

*If someone offers you a compliment stop the equivocating, don't diminish it. Say thank you.

*Exercise. Eat better. Drink water. Don't sabotage efforts.

*Don't criticize (yourself or others).

*Stop the negative self-talk. Don't. Do. It.

What do you think?


  1. Yes!

    Totally agree!!

    Lately, I have been doing the negative talk to myself...I get so upset with myself when I don't eat right, run often and feel my clothes hanging off me a bit. What it tells me is I have made these things (weight/figure) important because everyone around me has made it important. When it gets down to it I would rather be doing a Bible study, reading a book, crafting,cooking/baking,organizing,gardening, blogging, playing with the boys...While I love the feeling of working out It's just hard to spend a chunk of my day doing it.

    I keep trying to focus on my health for myself and my family and if those STINKING 5 or so pounds stick around...(hard to say), but I will survive!

    Holly, I think your challenges are wonderful and I may take them on too! YOu perspective on how we respond to others around us is so true!

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. We are all in this together!

  2. This was a great post. I've been in a phase of negative self talk lately, too. I'm trying to snap out of it, and even agreed (heaven help me!) to do P90X with my husband in the evenings. This is day 3, and I keep finding myself saying, "You're probably not going to see any results anyway. It will be all this pain for nothing." Ugh. Why do we do this? So, anyway, just know there's another in your boat!

  3. great post...don't read mine. I feel a little guilty about posting it after I read yours. ha!

    Your right though, positive thoughts....

    In the words of Stuart Smalley..."I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."


  4. I think this is great advice. I'm finding myself ready for a major change in the way I think and feel about food and exercise. I've been in a state of rebellion lately...and the negative self-talk is LOUD right now. Thanks for the encouragement today.

  5. It bothers me that I've bought whole heartedly (like, since always) into what media/American society classifies as beauty. We are constantly bombarded with unrealistic visuals of *beauty*--and it scares me since it starts YOUNG and if I'm not careful and diligent Annelise will start picking up on it.

    I know that in the whole scheme of things, outward appearance doesn't make a hill of beans--but it's still so hard not to be critical of myself.

    AND exercise makes me happy, but so does sugar, so....

  6. Yes, it's tough not to feel jealous of another person's success. Sometimes it's motivating, though!

  7. Nobel4Lit: I agree it can be motivating but I was also thinking about the *why* of it, why I (we?) may only compliment people when I (we?) notice a weight loss. I wish there was more general all around complimenting going on, you know? Just for being who we are at whatever stage we're in.

  8. I am so with you in this thinking and have to work all day most days to keep the negative self talk at bay. Have you ever listened to The Secret? I listened to it about 4 times in a row this summer and am convinced that our brain believes what we tell it, so any kind of negativity is dangerous to entertain. Yet, there I go over and over again saying terrible things to myself and then quickly trying to negate them...it's exhausting.

  9. Visit www.operationbeautiful.com! You won't regret it.

    We are all guilty of negative self-talk at some point, but it is important not to further beat ourselves up for doing it. Talk about a vicious cycle.

    I can honestly say that most days I am 100% happy with how I look. I recognize that I'm not perfect, but I also recognize that no one else is either. I tell myself not to focus on my failures (no exercise, poor eating, etc) and resolve to make the next day better. Every time I catch myself falling into hurtful self-talk I think of something I like about myself.

    Great goals and suggestions. Have a good day!

  10. oh, you have hit home w/ this one! I have talked bad to myself for, as you say, like always. it's hard for me to stop it even when I know it's unhealthy and that yes, my kids do it too... I am thankful for having a husband who likes "natural" beauty.

    I too have wondered about complimenting people when they lose weight. I don't like it for people to think I didn't like/notice/appreciate them before. Once I saw a lady who used to live near us. She'd lost a lot of weight so I just told her that it looked like she'd been working hard. I didn't want her to take it wrong...


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