The Conversation

Last weekend I was witness to the conversation again. The one where moms share their birth stories. Maybe it was because there was an infant present or maybe it's an inevitable conversation when two or more moms are gathered (interesting side note: there were two dads present as well).

It's okay. I'm okay with those conversations. I am.

Except when maybe I'm not.

I smile and nod. I listen. I wait.

I wait for my turn to share, even though my story is different.

On that particular day, since it was in the middle of a birthday party, the topic changed abruptly once it was time for cake and ice cream. My story never came up.

Since that particular afternoon thoughts and feelings have been swirling around in my head. Over the next few days, or weeks, I'm going to try to make sense of them in order to share them. Thoughts about infertility, although I never accepted that word, preferring fertility challenged since it leaves a little wiggle room for hope. Thoughts about adoption. Thoughts about what comes next after adoption. Thoughts about making peace with it all.

Or at least trying to.


  1. I enjoy hearing (reading) your take on this.

    People who know we have been trying to get pregnant for a year now ask us (me) the strangest questions and I'm still trying to figure out how to handle it. I have been asked at the bustop infront of other parents - including dads, hello!- if I am ovulating yet, I have been asked if we will pick the sex of our baby (what?), etc. etc. I get extremely annoyed when the poeple who ask these things are merely aquaintances not friends and even more so when they ask such rude things in front of my children.

  2. Oh, one of my neighbors (read: neighbor, not friend) asked me in front of my kids what I planned to do with the remaining frozen embryos after IVF. She then went on to say IN FRONT OF MY CHILDREN that she thought infertility treatments in general are creepy and how could I not use all of the embryos, I would be murdering my babies, etc.

  3. Oh Natasha, I know. I'm sorry you had to deal with insensitive( and/or uninformed) comments, especially in front of your children.

    What to say, or not to say, has definitely been on my mind and I plan to talk about that in one of my future posts.

  4. I'm not sure what to say about this, but I have been in rooms with those conversations many times and have felt acutely aware of the women in the room who are fertility-challenged. I think there's validity to every story and think stories of adoption are ripe with miracles. If anything your labor and delivery took far longer than anyone elses!

  5. Oh, Holly! I know exactly how you feel. Love, Gab "Fertility Challenged in PA"

  6. Holly, I've been checking back to see everyone's comments and what Jill said is so true--you definitely top everyone else with your "labor and delivery" and all of the waiting you did to adopt your miracle! A. will always know she was a labor of love!

  7. While adoption is not your typical "pregnancy and childbirth" story, I think it's always a miracle when a baby and a family "find" each other. I always get misty eyed when I hear the stories of how the adoption came to be. It may not be the usual, but it sure is magical!!

  8. Laura: Thank you. I fully credit God and his impeccable timing and works!

    I appreciate everyone's thoughts and comments. I did not mean to imply that one type of birth story is somehow *more* than another--if it came across that way, I apologize.

    I think that in that instance, even though I know I am blessed to be an adoptive mother, I struggled (and still do) with feeling different and left out of the typical birth experience--so in a way there was (is) some jealousy. That probably comes across as weird, but it's true. I hope to make sense of my feelings along this vein and share them soon.


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