Even a young child has natural nurturing instincts. Some behavior may be innate, some may be modeled after watching a parent or sibling, but most boys and girls engage in imaginative play caring for a baby doll or stuffed animal at some point. As children grow up they realize that one day they will have children of their own.
I was no different. I knew I would have a baby someday. Because I wanted one. I did not think about particulars or possibilities, just the end result. I even had The Plan written somewhere in one of my journals in college. Marriage for five years, one to three children spaced two years apart and finished having children by age 30.
I'll pause while you pick yourself up off the floor.
Reality was more like marriage at age 26, and we didn't officially start trying until I was 31 0r 32. Friends left and right were reproducing and we figured we better throw our hat into the ring too since we (and I mean my eggs) weren't getting any younger.
I look back now and have to shake my head at my naivete. Like that first month when I waited to miss my period (I liked to think positive).
That first month of trying blended into many months, eventually becoming a year. A year of Maybe! followed by Not! Based on my age, and the fact we had been trying a year, my gyno. referred me for a test. The really pleasant one where water and dye are transmitted all throughout your nether regions in order to see if there is anything blocking your nethers.
That first test was followed by a couple more. It turned out there were no obvious reasons why I was not getting prego, so I was finally referred to a specialist.
This was the beginning of The Next Phase. The phase where I learned more official reproductive terminology than I ever wanted to know, the phase where medicine and clinical procedures began to replace old-fashioned ones, where monitoring the calendar became an obsession, and our bank account balance decreased at an astonishing rate.
The Next Phase was an emotional roller coaster that lasted almost two more years. That phase had an eventual happy ending, just not the one we expected when we began.
More to come...