(Pardon the long, ear drum piercing screech and scratch as I rip that record off my little Sears record player.)
I fear I should warn you.
Give you a head's up, maybe an out to just go ahead and click away, let you continue working your way through your Google reader (just promise to pop back over for a visit sometime, m'mkay?).
Because here I go again.
Trying to get myself together.
You know how it is.
Stop certain habits and replace them with better ones.
By now, especially if you've been a faithful blog friend through the years (LOVE you! Hugs! You are FABulous!), you've heard me say all this before--and you may yet hear it all again some day down the road--and you put up with me anyway.
I'm trying to break the stronghold that sugar has had over me one more time. It's really not my friend after all and it does terrible things to me both physically and emotionally. I don't have self-control, restraint or discipline when I am around it, such a lack of self-control that it's embarrassing.
I've been buying, baking, stashing, rationalizing and feeding this addiction for too long. To the point of asking Scott to enable me (and getting angry if he balked) by making night time emergency grocery store runs for Ben & Jerry's (and really, who eats only 1/2 a cup of the cute little pint anyway) or Oreos or whatever else was the form of sugar of the day. To the point of hiding what I was eating. To the point of burying the evidence in the trash as best I could. To the point I would feel out of sorts, edgy if we didn't have cookies in the cookie jar (or pantry) or ice cream in the freezer or candy stashed somewhere. To the point I felt it was my duty to eat all of it in order to get rid of it. And then repeat.
"Keep your servant from willful sins; may they not rule over me." Psalm 19:13
I felt guilty. And ashamed. And I wanted more.
I was trapped in a willful sin.
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Galatians 5:22-23
I was not displaying fruit of the Spirit.
Earlier this week I finally had enough of myself.
I started praying about it, confessing, asking for self-control, asking for day-by-day strength to break this cycle.
Guess what? I started feeling better, like, almost immediately.
God's kind of perfect like that, isn't he?
This new mostly sugar free *me* won't be perfect, I will likely struggle and start over.
But I'm trying.