5.11.2011

Awkward

My morning was replete with awkward moments, on several levels and I just can't stop myself from sharing them with you.

Since there will most likely be layoffs in our not so distant future I finally decided to be a grown-up and make my necessary doctor appointments while we still have insurance. So I sucked up my denial and avoidance and scheduled to have my lady parts checked out, you know, like you're supposed to do every year.

Except (and please don't throw anything at me) I hadn't done that since somewhere around 2004.

I know.

In all honesty after all of our fertility *stuff* I made the executive decision to take a break from all of that and then just put it off longer and longer. Plus I needed to find a new doctor since my old one had the bedside manner of a chair and made me cry (although that might have been the hormones).

Anyway.

The first awkward moment came when I found myself driving to the same medical building where my car almost drove itself on auto-pilot to seven years ago. I even choked back a few tears as I parked my car. What in the world? It was just a parking lot, just an elevator, just an office but I was feeling highly emotional about the whole process anyway.

The next awkward moment was when I met the doctor, for a little get to know you pow-wow before the actual exam. She was very nice, very friendly, quite professional and didn't rush me, so all of that was good. But I could never quite make eye contact with her, literally. She must have some ocular condition or it's a side effect of something, but for some reason her eyes tracked to the side. I wish I could have asked (I worried it might be rude) or since it was my first time to meet her I wish she would have just explained what was up with her eyes. I tried not to stare but it's only natural to try to make eye contact. I wasn't sure if I should look at one eye in particular, look at both, look off to the side or just ignore it and look at the top of her head, which is of course what I did. But it drove me batty. BAT-tt-Y.

And really, the whole lady parts exam is just plain awkward in an of itself.

After all my parts were checked, another brief pow-wow (chipper, friendly, but still no eye contact) and six vials of blood drawn I was sent on my way to the front to get my boomzoom smusher (you know, a mammy) referral (yep, I'm doing it all) where I recognized a PG someone in the waiting room.

A former student of mine from my first year of teaching fourth grade.

Awkward.

But I said hello and did the vague chit-chat thing and somehow resisted the urge to pat her on the head and ask if this was her first baby.

I felt old.

On the way home I stopped by the pharmacy to get this*:
Guess what I'll be doing? I think it involves lots of spitting. Won't that be fun?

And not awkward at all.

*Along with having blood work done to check my hormones and thyroid I have to do this saliva test because apparently it's even more effective to analyze certain hormone levels. Who knew?

Any awkward moments lately? Do tell.

4 comments:

  1. This had my laughing out loud. Really. I just went back to mine after a while. Ahem! And they had thrown out my records, it had been so long. GULP!!

    I've been thinking about you a lot with all the NASA cuts. I'll keep you in my prayers.

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  2. Ewwww! I just did that same saliva test with that lab. It is so gross the amount of spit that has to go in those vials. One word of advice, DO NOT do this with your hubby in the room. lol

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  3. After Ike, BAPA was in the CORM building and I WEPT the first few times...especially the time we were in the same room where we found out it was twins and the same room as the retrieval And it was ugly cry the firsst time... So it is NOT crazy to get sappy over a room or a hallway (cried there too) and even an elevator. At least you were alone and did not have to explain why you were weeping to you darling! hee hee Sorry it was an awkward morning...but I sure loved readig about it! :)

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  4. GIRL! We should have talked longer about the thyroid thing. I didn't know you might need tests too. Hello!

    I also did the saliva thing...I hope you get good results. It will be a experience spitting everyday for a month. haha!

    AND I am glad you finally went to the doctor. I am sorry it was so hard on you. Hang in there friend. Love you!

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