First of all I hate that Parenthood makes me cry.
Mainly the TV show but sometimes the actual efforts as well.
And I am not an easy crier. In fact, at times, I wish I were more emotional, more heart on my sleeve.
But I'm not. I even worry sometimes that there is something wrong with me, that I'm either numbed to feelings (depression?) or too Grinchy-hearted (before he spied the Whos still celebrating after he stole their tinsel and roast beast). I don't think I am insensitive (usually), I mean I do have empathy and sympathy but those emotions are possibly overshadowed with a heavy dose of cynicism and pragmatism. My current emotional response-o-meter probably stems from my childhood where crying was tolerated only briefly and then you were warned you'd be given something to cry about (I don't think that ever happened, but it was threatened just the same). Crying was weak, unnecessary, and appropriate only for funerals or dire situations. Maybe it was a generational thing coupled with the fact that my dad was, you know, a man. He didn't have much patience with my mom's tears or mine, but maybe that was because he just didn't understand them or if he couldn't *fix* it.
Showing emotion and talking about your feelings just wasn't kosher (we're not Jewish, so I guess Kosher is neither here nor there) around our house either. I've only seen my dad cry a handful of times, the first time when my grandmother passed away and the second time a year later when my mom died and one of the more recent times was last year the night before his surgery for cancer (which, by the way, was successful and he has received clear scans every few months since, praise!), so...um, yeah, crying has always been a last resort of sorts.
I want things to be different for my little family of three.
I try to show patience with Annelise's crying jags, even the fake ones, but I don't always handle those as well as I probably should. Not too long ago it dawned on me that Annelise has never seen me (or Scott) cry. At least I'm 98.7% sure that she hasn't witnessed us cry, and she's 8 years old. (!!) That scares me a little because 1.) does that prove that I have a truly have heart of pure cold steel after all? and b.) will it totally freak her out to her core if and when she ever does see either one of us cry?
So I'm wondering can a non-crier become a crier? If so, how does one go about this metamorphosis exactly?
P.S. Just to prove I'm not completely Grinch-hearted, I did cry during Jennifer Hudson's tribute song to Whitney at the Grammy awards Sunday night. How could you not?